You may have noticed that the celebrity news front is eerily quiet and the only celebs out on the town besides Paris Hilton and Britney Spears are F-listers on a good day. So where is everyone? Getting ready for the Oscar's of course! Botox treatments take at least five days to heal so celebs are probably filling up waiting rooms across Los Angeles to get their faces (and armpits) de-wrinkled. And don't forget the camera adds at least 10lbs so they'll be too weak from starving themselves to hit up Robertson Blvd or the Hollywood hotspots. I on the other hand will be doing the complete opposite and seeing how many cases of Pabst I can polish off between now and Sunday. I'm shooting for 13.

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Only a pair of jeans separated her from being #4,601.

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I thought 'Jackass' flamed out 5 years ago but apparently they're still filming their injury inducing stunts and according to Jason "Wee Man" Acuna, have taken it to the next level with scrotum mutilation and hot male-on-male catheter golden showers. So for all you 9-year-old boys out there looking to make it big in Hollywood, filleting your scrotums and peeing on your friends with your brand new catheters = $$$. Video by Phamous Fotos

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Britney Spears had a relatively drama free weekend (by her standards) but it was not entirely crazy free. The popwreck was spotted shopping on Melrose Ave., trying on wedding dresses to the surprise of her bodyguard and the horde of paparazzi. Who's Britney possibly planning to marry? My guess? Her brother and before you bust my balls for pulling out the same Louisiana redneck schtick I'm not going to the "incest is the game the whole family can play" well.

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Her father is in control of her estate and because they've been estranged for so long, it's a little early for father and daughter to reenact a scene out of Taboo #2 but her brother is another story. He's been named a trustee of her estate meaning he has access to money so Brit could pull a K-Fed and get her hands on some of that Spears money, bypassing the conservatorship put in place by the court system. Genius plan. Only question is which Britney walks down the aisle or does she pull a costume change to accommodate both personalities? Video by Hot Shots Worldwide

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Ever wondered what's in a name? Well, quite a lot for Blake Fielder-Civil. Because he is using his wife's name in order to buy drugs in his current residence, prison. The junkie/husband to Amy Winehouse has been using signed pictures of the singer in order to buy small amounts of drugs from his mates inside. The report was released in the UK press last night, not long after "Blake Incarcerated" has collapsed in his cell after a bad batch of heroin. It's believed that Grammy winner Amy has no clue of her lovers antics, and has merely been handing over the autographs because she believes his fellow cell mates are fans. It's also unclear whether these autographs have succeeded in making the fellow prisoners any money on the net. A source said:

“Blake has to pay for his gear somehow – and he has no qualms about cashing in on his wife’s fame. He’ll take orders from other inmates then ask Amy to bring in signed photos of herself during visits. He usually gets her to write a little personalised note to make it look authentic. Once he’s back on the wing he’ll swap these for Joeys.The boys think they’ll get a few quid for them on eBay. It’s not clear whether she knows exactly what’s going on . . . but she must find it strange that all these so-called prison hardmen have suddenly become starstruck Amy Winehouse fans.”

Reports also suggest that while dedicated Amy has been in rehab making an effort to get clean, hubby Blake has been repeatedly failing on the spot drugs tests. Pictures by Splash News / James Ambler / BBH Pictures / Simon Earl / Matt Keeble / Charlie Purvey / Ian Lawrence / Colin Drummond / Gene Young

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Most of you may have just arose from your beds, but a usually camera shy Naomi Watts was up and about enjoying a Monday afternoon on Bondi Beach in Australia. The actress was spied clutching her son, Alexander, and she happily walked by the awaiting paparazzi, and even shot the lens a smile. Photographers were unsure if Naomi was joined by friends or a Nanny, but her female pal snapped away on her own digital camera. Unlike ours, those snaps are sure to make the 'Watts' personal photo album. Pictures by Splash News / Snapper Media

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