Heidi Montag Needs To 'Goa' Home
3:35 Friday, December 21, 2007

Dear Santa,
I know that you know that I have been a super good boy all year long because you know who's been naughty and nice but just in case here's a refresher. I helped some old ladies cross the street, increased my charitable donations from $0 last year to $2 this year, (that's a 200% increase), didn't commit any murders, ate all my vegetables, and only called out of work sick when I was actually sick for once.
Not bad for a normally douchey guy like me right? So I better be getting everything on my Christmas list this year. I don't want any horsesh*t about how you couldn't make it happen because there is only thing on it, to make Heidi Montag disappear off this Earth. Forever. Drop her in an active volcano, shoot her into space, feed her to sharks, or dump in the back of a garbage truck. I don't care how you do it, just make it happen or your little elves will mysteriously begin to disappear or lose a limb in a freak belt sander accident.
Thanks Santa,
Love Chris
Pictures by TC
More pics after the jump!
Actually, her charitable increase is not 200%. Its 'infinity' according to the calculation:
[present donation - previous donation]/(previous donation) X 100%
([$2-$0]/$0) x 100% = 'infinity'
:) LOL
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Dear Santa,
If it helps at all whatsoever, I too wish for Heidi Montag to disappear from the earth. If you think about it, you could kill two birds with one stone if you could take care of this wish. And speaking of two birds... you can send Spencer with her.
Thank you Santa.
Lisa
P.S. You know I have been good as well.
Heidi...STOP with the jazz hands PLEASE.
Does she have same the doctor as Ashley Tisdale?
Luv that teeny snowman over her left shoulder. Cute! :-)
Dear Chris,
While I appreciate your efforts in being a good boy this year, I'm afraid that you have given just a teensy bit erroneous information regarding your "goodness".
1. 22 year olds cannot be considered old and you helped them across the street in order to enter a club du jour. Uh, uh, doesn't count.
2. A $2.00 "donation" placed under a g-string at the strip club cannot be considered "charitable".
3. I'm afraid you have been known to murder the English language at times and yes, this does count!
4. No, no, no on the vegetables. It's been reported that you try to hide beets under a lettuce leaf so that needs to stop.
5. Lastly, being hung over can never, evah be considered sick.
In light of these indiscretions, I'm afraid that Heidi and even Spencer will be around for at LEAST another year.
Kind but cheap regards,
Santa Claus
WC! LOL :-) Let the writers stay on strike!