We all know that Paris Hilton considers herself an "American Princess" but now she thinks her self-aggrandizing not only makes her worthy of film roles but makes her a prime candidate for a role in the film adaption of 80's soap opera 'Dallas' according to a movie insider.

"In her mind she is already part of Hollywood royalty by being a Hilton, so she thinks it will be perfect casting. "She's actually a bit surprised the producers haven't thought of this themselves."

Hey Paris, I don't think casting directors that had to sit through "House of Wax" and "One Night In Paris" are surprised at all. I seriously doubt they're holding their breath to see your sure-to-be groundbreaking work in "The Hottie And The Nottie" either. Also Paris, you're not Hollywood royalty. Being rich and living in Hollywood does not put you into the same class as say, a Drew Barrymore (daughter of Jaid and John Drew Barrymore, granddaughter of John Barrymore and Dolores Costello, great-granddaughter of silent film actor Maurice Costello and Mae Costello, niece of Ethel Barrymore and Lionel Barrymore, Anna Strasberg and Steven Spielberg are her godparents), or anyone named Fairbanks. You think jail would have knocked her down a peg.

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Update: Now with video goodness. Michael don't watch without your nurse by your side. I don't know much about Kelly Brook except for she got naked in something called "Survival Island" and is dating some guy named Billy Zane. But she must be famous because she too has hopped on the celebrity fragrance bandwagon and has launched her own perfume named "Kelly Brook." Not entirely sure she's famous enough to have her own eponymous perfume but for some reason I really want to buy it. Can't quite put my hands finger on it, can you?

Pictures by Rebecca Harley

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I was concerned that being sick for two days was going to leave me out of the loop, seeing that I barely got out of bed and didn't watch TV but apparently everything is basically the same and we are still talking about Britney Spears. Last night the Britster turned herself into a Van Nuys police station to be booked in accordance with her misdemeanor hit and run and property damage. She was fingerprinted and photographed but sadly, there will be no mug shot for me to roll around on, as the police have stated they will not be releasing it. Thank God I am going on vacation next week and won't have talk about or hear anything about Britney Spears for a whole two weeks.

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If series creator Del Shores and stars Jason Dottley and Beth Grant have any say about it, Britney Spears could make another TV appearance, as a neighbor on the sure fire hit 'Sordid Lives.' The threesome have offered up a roll playing a neighbor fighting over a goat but despite the white trash image that is now in your head, the two insist that they do not think Britney is WT. Also, you may remember Jason Dottley gave some much needed advice to Britney a few months back, which, if she had taken, we probably wouldn't have seen her baby maker all over the internet again and she would probably still have her kids but that hasn't stopped Jason from giving her some good natured down home advice again. Do you think she'll listen?

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Videos by Austin Raishbrook

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Britney Spears' single may have not won the charts, but the pop princess has been offered a job - in a hit USTV series starring Olivia Newton-John. The man behind Sordid Lives, which tells the story of a Texas family, said Britney would be perfect for his show, which he describes as "black comedy about white trash". Del Shores said:" We want Britney. We want her to play a neighbour who has a row with a woman over a goat. Britney would be great. She was good in Will and Grace. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying she is trailer trash. I think she can act and we want her for a cameo role in the new series." Stock Picture: Pete Whittle

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A little tip Britney, if you think you're a fat pig (which I don't think you are) perhaps it may pay to cut down on the old frappuccino's with the whipped cream on top! Britney with her caffine fix in hand was looking pretty good for once. Minus the hair from hell, she actually looked a little like her old self, in a simple vest and jean combo. Looks like her new assistant is taking quite a forceful hand with her too! Watch the vid!

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Picture: Banks / Martin

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